Bandages for Your Heart

I read an article about a grief support group being held in an all-boys high school. At a time of life when their greatest worry should be acne, girlfriends and homework, these boys all were struggling with the death of a parent. The very people we take for granted will be there for us when we get home from school or across the dinner table at night, had tragically left this world too soon. These young men who had to hold it together all day, were able to be vulnerable and show their sorrow, their fears and their anger at what had happened to them in their life. Instead of turning to alcohol, drugs or other unhealthy crutches to handle the pain, they turned to one another. Teachers would come each month to the group and share their own stories of loss, many of their stories mirrored what their students were dealing with. They saw their teachers as vulnerable, as parentless children now grown up; they saw them as human beings with a wounded heart like their own. Over pizza and chocolate chip cookies, these young men journeyed together through their grief. Over shared words and understood pain, they healed. They also were challenged to do one thing every day… use three cents.

Three pennies was the cost of this valuable lesson and it is one we can all put into our own lives. They were instructed to take three pennies and put them in their pocket. Throughout the day they were challenged to make a difference to someone, to offer a kindness or help them in some way. Each time they completed this task, they were to take one penny and put it in their other pocket. By the end of the day the goal was to have all three cents safely harbored in the opposite pocket from which it began. The challenge began all over again the next morning.

Transforming pain into purpose. For these young men it came from reaching out to others. Grief can be isolating. How we are feeling is not easily understood by others. By reaching out of our own pain, we connect with other people and begin to heal. The loss becomes a little more bearable when the experience turns into a way to reach out to others with a new understanding, a more compassionate outlook and a desire to help another person in some small way.

But what about the other side of this equation…how good are you at receiving? Life is about balance and it is just as important that you are a good “receiver” and not just a good “giver.” Throw out the old adage: ‘tis better to give than to receive. You must do both. Can you ask for help when you need it? Many people struggle with this and do not like to ask for help. They are like the two-year old in the “me do” stage. They can do it all themselves, even if it is a bit of a struggle. If this sounds like you, read on for a reason to stop the old habit of “me do” and begin to allow the “yes, thank you” into your life.

Research has shown that when a person receives a kindness, their serotonin levels rise, making them feel good. The person who offers the kindness, their levels rise as well. Remarkably anyone who witnesses that kindness also has an upswing in their serotonin levels. The ripple effect of a kindness offered and received continues on. In fact, those people who received or witnessed a kindness were more likely to offer one to someone else that day. “Pay it forward” in action. Yet if you don’t allow someone to help you, you are depriving so many from the benefit of the kind action. “Me do” must make way for “you do for me” in order for this chain reaction to begin. Give and take, offer and receive, from one kindness to another. Take another three pennies and use them to mark each time you allow someone to help you. From pocket to pocket, person to person, the pennies are merely touchstones to remind us that our lives are enriched when we make “cents” out of our day.

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This article is offered as part of our funeral home’s grief support program. The author, Nancy Weil, is a Certified Grief Management Specialist. You are invited to join our virtual Healing Hearts grief support group, facilitated by Nancy twice a month on Zoom. Please contact our funeral home for more information.

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What Families Wish They Knew Before Planning a Funeral and How to Prepare

By Mike Shaffer, Licensed Funeral Director • August 28, 2026

After the service is over, after the flowers have been cleared and the reception line has dissolved and the house has gone quiet, families reflect. They think about what they would have done differently. What they wish they had known before they walked through the funeral home door for the first time. I've stood on the other side of that door for many years. The insights families share afterword come up so often that they're worth passing along - not as criticism, but as guidance from those who have already walked this path. What Should You Know Before Planning a Funeral? First, it helps to understand that you don't have to have everything figured out right away. Taking a little time, asking questions, and knowing what to expect can make the process far more manageable. "I wish I Knew That I Could Take My Time." The most common regret families share is feeling rushed. In the fog of early grief, every decision feels urgent. But almost nothing about funeral planning requires an immediate answer. You can take a day before scheduling the arrangement conference. You can sleep on decisions about caskets, services, and cremation. You can ask for time - and any funeral director worth their license will give it to you without hesitation. The arrangements will wait. Your clarity matters more than speed. "I wish I'd Brought Someone With Me." Grief affects memory and focus. Families who attend arrangement meetings alone often wish they had brough someone with them. A trusted friend or family member can help listen, take notes, ask questions, and share the emotional weight. They're not there to make decisions for you - they're there to support you, catch details you might miss, and remind you afterward of what was said. "I wish I'd Asked About All of the Costs Upfront." Federal law requires every funeral home to provide a General Price List (GPL), and a good funeral director will review it with you line by line. But families often hesitate to ask pointed questions about cost because it feels disrespectful or transactional in the middle of grief. It is neither. Understanding the cost of every element - before you agree to it - is your right, and it is the foundation of a trustworthy relationship between your family and your funeral home. Ask about package pricing versus itemized options. Ask what is included and what is additional. Ask if there are more affordable alternatives that still align with your wishes. Find out about cash advance items, like death certificates, clergy, or flowers. Funeral directors expect these questions and are happy to answer them so that you make the right decision for your family and your budget. "I Didn't Know I Could Personalize This Much." Many families walk into an arrangement conference with a mental image of a funeral that looks like the last one they attended - formal, traditional, and generic. What they often discover is just how flexible and personal a funeral can be. From music and video tributes to meaningful keepsakes on display, favorite foods, or readings by loved ones - there are countless ways to reflect a unique life. The most meaningful services are the ones that truly feel like the person being honored. Don't hesitate to ask for ideas. Personalization is where a service becomes a tribute. "I Didn't Know How Much the Service Would Mean to Me." This one comes up more than any other. Families who initially considered skipping a formal service - opting for direct cremation or a simple disposition - and then chose to hold a service anyway almost universally say the same thing afterward: they had no idea how much they needed it. The service is not for the person who died. It is for everyone still living. It is the place where grief becomes shared, where the full weight of a life becomes visible, and where the slow work of healing has a chance to begin. This is when stories are shared and the impact your loved one had on other people's lives is evident in ways you may not have known. Even a simple gathering can make a profound difference. Have questions before you make decisions? Our team welcomes that conversation - before, during, or after a time of need. Reach out anytime. We're here. Frequently Asked Questions About What You Should Know Before Planning a Funeral What mistakes should you avoid when planning a funeral? Rushing decisions, not asking questions, and not bringing support are common challenges families face. How do you prepare for a funeral arrangement meeting? Gather basic information, bring a support person, and write down questions in advance. What questions should you ask a funeral director? Ask about services, costs, timelines, and available options. How can you avoid overspending on a funeral? Review pricing carefully, ask about alternatives, and choose only what feels meaningful.

Bandages for Your Heart - Making Cents of it All: Using Small Acts of Kindness to Find Healing After Loss

Making Cents of it All: Using Small Acts of Kindness to Find Healing After Loss

What Families Wish They Knew Before Planning a Funeral and How to Prepare

Preplanning Your Funeral: The Most Thoughtful Thing You Can Do for the People You Love

How to Explain Death to a Child: What to Say at Every Age

Funeral Etiquette: What to Say, What to Wear, and How to Show Your Sympathy

Do You Need a Funeral Service? Why Gathering Still Matters for Families

What Happens After Someone Dies

How to Arrange a Funeral: A Step By Step Guide for Families

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief Changes You: And It's Okay

Bandages for Your Heart - Your Spiritual Toolbox: Everyday Activities for Grief Recovery

Bandages for Your Heart - Misery Loves Company: How Grief Support Groups Help

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